Why I Don't Like Churches Anymore

I have always said something about churches in general..."Churches are great, except for the people." Now that's not a very christian way of thinking, I admit, but for me its a very true feeling I have. It took a while to get where I currently am with religion. For the sake of this thought, I am going to use the term religion when tied to churches. I seperate the term "christian" from churches for reasons I will share in a bit.

When I moved to Knoxville a couple years ago, I was active in my church here in Kingsport. I was working with the youth group and taught a Sunday school class. I made a move in order to advance my career and I thought it would be relatively easy to replace the church I was leaving. What happened, however, was that I visited some churches and they were not what I had imagined. I went non-denominational so I could escape the things that I didn't like about the Baptist church. What I ended up doing was essentially sitting alone in a sea of people who didn't know me, my name or care who I was. The pastors would teach/preach about missioning to people while there were people sitting in their midst who wanted to feel like they belonged and they did nothing to make that happen.

Because of that I turned quite cold towards the Sunday morning ritual. I visited churches back in Kingsport when I was in and when I was embraced, I still was cold and felt distant from the whole ordeal. I was sitting outside my body watching myself in church and shaking my head. I wasn't "getting" it. I made a list of the things I hated about every church...it would go something like this:

1. The pastor hasn't mentioned what I wanted to hear this morning. He is intelligent and thats turning me off too. I can't believe that he isn't preaching about what I want. The gall!

2. These people sure are haughty. Man. They drive their SUV's to church, sucking gas, ruining the environment and then sit there with a smug look like Jesus loves them more. Bastards.

3. The music is too old fashioned. No wait...maybe it's too contemporary. An old song with priase format!?!? What!??! I hate praise music anyway. What kind of musicless crap is this? They are playing 3 chords! Schmucks.

Now...I see how I was being when I was being that way. I was being an ass, to be quite honest. Not to say my thoughts were not true, but why was I going to church at this point anyway? My checklist of "perfect services" was not being completed, so it was constantly someone else's fault. I know and knew while I was doing it what was wrong. It was and still is me.

I have become quite hateful towards organized religion. That hate has blocked me from some true joy. I pick at its parts and at the things that have always annoyed me. I hate the offering ceremonies in churches. I think tithing is a personal worship experience and putting or not putting money in a passed around pot while others watch is inexcusable to me. I hate that most churches in my area are so negative towards things I don't have issues with. I don't like that most churches in my area are horrible to other denominations and other faiths because they disagree on such small topics. I hate, I hate, I hate until I no longer find joy in attending church under any circumstance.

I know I am being a jerk, but as I move forward I am starting to forgive myself for the things I know I am doing wrong and those churches for things they don't even know they are doing wrong. I am looking, with my fiance, at churches because I know the importance of meeting with people and worshipping as a group. I know I have to let my personal crap slide away and I have to realize on a daily basis that I need that group connection as much as I need personal worship time. I know what God has intended in these weekly rituals, so for that reason I must look for his purpose and bypass all the alterior motives the horrible sinners I go to church with (and am included with) have. Forgiving their trespasses, as well as my own, is the only way I can truly remember that I was forgiven before I did a single thing wrong.